Girl Talk Series
by jerseygirlinoxford
Summary: new series of one shots. neither babe nor cupcake. just steph and the girls discussing important topics


**The Holy Land**

By

Jersey girl in oxford (sue)

This is the first short in the **Girl Talk** series. It is neither Babe nor Cupcake….it's pure Stephanie. So…therefore, both men may or may not get a little trashed because in real life, girls will rip to shreds the men in their lives at one time or another. And let's face it….they are men and usually deserve it! I got the idea from conversations that I had with my own friends. No topic is off limits! Hope you enjoy these little one-shots!

"Morning Steph." Connie greeted her as she entered the Bond's office.

"Hi Connie," she replied. "I picked up some Dunkin' Donuts and coffee. Lula here yet?" Connie glanced behind her. Stephanie turned to see Lula pull up to the curb. Stephanie dumped the packages down on Connie's desk. "Have any new files for me?" Connie nodded and pushed a file her way as she grabbed a coffee.

"Just one so far today." The door burst open, and Lula made her grand entrance.

"Good morn…ooh! Dunkin' Donuts!" Lula ripped the box open and stuffed a Boston Crème into her mouth. "HHHmmm…dat es jess wot I meeded," she groaned through a mouthful of pastry.

"There's coffee, too," Steph told her as she pointed to the cups.

"Thanks, White Girl." Lula put her things away, grabbed her coffee, and flopped on the couch next to Stephanie. "Boy, did I need this first thing this mornin'."

"It's going to be another slow day," Stephanie sighed as she read the file. Mooner. He was an easy one. She sipped her coffee. "I was listening to these soccer moms talking while I waiting in line today. They were talking about how they _saved_ themselves for marriage." Stephanie rolled her eyes. Connie shrugged.

"There are still people that do that, Stephanie," Connie explained while she examined the donut selection. "There's nothing wrong with it." Lula waved her off.

"There's plenty wrong with it," Lula argued. "What if the man is shitty in bed? You married him…now you stuck with him." Connie and Stephanie chuckled. "Well…I guess you could cheat on him while you wait for the divorce to be final." Stephanie swallowed the last bite of her donut.

"Well, that's really not the part of the conversation that I had a problem with," she told them. "They were talking about the fact that they would give a blow job to a guy, but wouldn't actually have sex with him." Connie furrowed her brow.

"Again Steph….a lot of women do that," she said. Lula shrugged.

"Well, don't look at me. I was a ho. And, I never been married. So, there ain't nothin' that I saved for nobody," Lula admitted. Stephanie patted her shoulder.

"There's nothing wrong with that, Lula. At least you're _honest_ about yourself. What I don't get is why girls think their _vagina_ is more sacred then their _mouth_. I mean…_think_ about it. It's a vagina. It's a moist hole. It's between your legs. It's right where you pee and do #2." Connie and Lula began to laugh. "I mean…really!" Steph paused to sip her coffee again. Connie shook her head.

"I guess I never thought of it _that_ way," she told her.

"But that's not all," Stephanie continued. "You bleed from there. You stick tampons in there. Then…there are yeast infections. And all kinds of…_odors_, if you're not careful." Stephanie jumped to her feet. She was definitely on a roll. "And even if you are clean…there's a weird smell anyway. But, they still would rather take a _dick_ into their _mouth_ than their vagina! _Think_ about it….you've got a _dick_ in your mouth! And let's talk about a dick while we're at it. It hangs in some guy's crotch. It's rubbing on his balls and his pubes. He touches it all day. Shit…guys can't keep their hands off their crotch. They don't wipe the tip after they pee." Steph jerked her free hand to demonstrate the shake. "They think that gets all the pee off. They don't wash their hands after, so they touch their dick with dirty hands…._again_. And that, my friends, is what they are putting in their mouths." Stephanie shuddered at the thought. "Not me. My mouth is sacred. This…." She waved her hand around her mouth. "…is the Holy Land. I am particular about what I put in my mouth. I mean…this is the same place that I put my Butterscotch Krimpets and Reese's Peanutbutter cups. It deserves a little respect." She finished her rant, grabbed another donut, and took a bite.

"You're absolutely right, White Girl. Besides, there's a lot of work that goes into a blow job anyway," Lula added.

"Well, I saved my _mouth_ for marriage. You have to be someone _really special_ if I'm going to let you put your dick in _my_ mouth. What's so special about that stinky ol' vagina anyway? Okay…maybe there is a chance that you could get pregnant. But you can still get gonorrhea of the mouth. And herpes….and all kinds of shit. Would you rather have those diseases in your vagina or in your mouth?" Stephanie paused to catch her breath.

"Honestly…I'd rather not have any disease at all," Connie groaned. Stephanie waved her off.

"You know what I mean. You don't want to be stuck smiling with all those herpe sores all over your mouth and lips. And a big ol' pube stuck between your two front teeth," Stephanie rambled on.

"Like Yentl floss?" Lula joked. The women laughed.

"You certainly have some strong opinions on oral sex, Steph," Connie said. Stephanie shrugged.

"I guess in my opinion, a blow job is _way_ above and beyond regular sex. I think that guy has to be really special to do that for. I refuse to _desecrate_ the Holy Land for just anyone!" Connie and Lula exchanged glances.

"So," Connie began, "…what are your opinions on…._butt stuff_?" Stephanie dropped her head back against the couch and covered her face with both hands.

"Don't even get me started!"

TBC………


End file.
